please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
