Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
