She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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