I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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