my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
