I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
