Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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