Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
