So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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