Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
He did a backflip because drugs
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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