i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
