Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
