This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Randomize
