a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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