so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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