His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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