I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
