Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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