I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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