dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
