david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
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