theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
