Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
