i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
