apparently the secret to your success is patron
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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