grandma shit on top of the toilet
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Found the puke drawer
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Just high enough for therapy.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize