...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
