hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
