Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
40s are totally the cure
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
