quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
