yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
