Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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