come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I am midnight drunk by noon
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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