i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
