If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Why is your signature on my underwear?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
