I'm really into asian looking animals
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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