Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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