Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
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