I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
