I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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