ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I have tasted many bathrooms
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
