Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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