Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
