i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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