I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
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