Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Your dad touched me again.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Sext me about skeletons
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
