I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
