i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
