I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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