Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize