Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
where are you?
Hypothermia
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize