My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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