I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
that may or may not have been my penis.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
