we made out on top of his cat.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
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