I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Randomize
