I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
