So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
