I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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