I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
