what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
