you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
