Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize
