You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
She even gives head with a lisp.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
