I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
