You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
