Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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