I want to walk on stilts...naked
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
