he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
