$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Randomize
