I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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