It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
