didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
